A Special Note to Pesci

I can’t believe its been 4 years since you were taken.  Certain dates just jump out and they are so heavy, and they drive us so crazy. Life without you is getting a little bit easier over time, but the pain still remains no matter how hard we try to forget. They say the good memories will stay and the bad ones will go away, it is true but I always wonder what OUR future would have been now, knowing it’s not a healthy way of thinking at all, but our mind isn’t always in sync with our sensibility, sometimes we just have to let it do what it wants to do, as a compromise to avoid inducing greater sadness.

We, who your path crossed through, are all very thankful that you have changed all of us – the will and the determination to challenge and to explore the world, to question and to fight for principles regardless of what everyone else says. Now that I am in the same place where it all began, and the “me” 10 years ago probably would not like the “me” now. 10 years ago, I was searching for happiness, now I am still on the same quest, however, the definition of “happiness” has completely changed.

I am happy now – so easy to say – but I am truly happy now after knowing what miserable is, and how ugly this world can be. In a way, I miss the simple mind I had, but sooner or later the understanding of the reality shall take place unless we intentionally pacify our mind and you know I am not that kind. The search for happiness will go on, it’s almost definitely never-ending, and I really don’t know if I want to have the life if I would have known what would have happened, but what matters was it did, whether we like it or not.  The not-so-perfect experiences make our life better, and we just have to keep on living and be happier, hopefully with different life experiences that continues to give us knowledge and shape our view, and that’s what I am doing with Michael and hopefully our children would be able to learn the life skills we have and go on with their life pursuing what they want.

I still feel I am speaking a foreign language the rest of the world don’t understand, the only audience who would truly understand is gone but you, live forever in our hearts, no one can take that away from us, till the day we die and be forgotten. But today, Happy Birthday Pesci and a big hug from the other side from many of us, we miss you dearly.


1 Comment

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One response to “A Special Note to Pesci

  1. Michele

    Cynthia, It was a beautiful message you wrote to Pesci. Maybe Michael sent sent you Michael, someone to share your life with, your experiences with and your wisdom with. And, those precious little boys will benefit from all you two have to offer them.

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